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Chapter Eight: Legends
“That which transforms things and
fits them together is called change;
that which stimulates them and puts them in motion is called continuity.
That which raises them up and sets them forth before all people on earth is called the field of action.”
—The I Ching; Ta Chuan (“The Great Commentary”), Part I
* * * * * *
“Heya, everybody! We’re hooome!”
Genma and Soun froze in their contemplation of the Shogi board. Kasumi stopped suddenly as she entered the living room with some tea. Nabiki ceased calculating the figures in her account book. Akari halted her grooming session of Katsunishiki out in the porch. Ukyou and Akane looked like they’d been slapped in their faces.
Their heads all simultaneously turned toward the hallway that led from the front door of the Tendo dojo.
Four figures stood in the doorway, silhouetted by the spears of moonlight that broke through the velvet evening.
For one brief, heart-stopping minute, no one said anything.
Akane scrambled to her feet and spoke. “R-Ranma?”
The boy in the white Chinese shirt snorted derisively. “Of course it’s me, you dumb macho chick—”
He braced himself for the mallet that would inevitably find its way onto his skull. Instead, he was caught completely off-guard as Akane Tendo—without the help of Shampoo’s passion spice or under the possession of any kind of evil spirit—voluntarily threw herself into Ranma Saotome’s arms.
“Ranma! It is you!” Akane sobbed, embracing him tightly. “I—I—wasn’t sure that you—”
Everyone gaped in shock, but none more so than Ranma.
He just stood there, an idiotic expression on his countenance, his arms dangling limply at his sides, his eyes glazing over into a limp blue, his mind totally devoid of any sort of coherent thought.
And then he snapped to his senses. “Aw, geez, get a grip, Akane. I’m fine. It ain’t like I was gonna die or anythin’, ya know...”
Akane blinked, suddenly realizing what she was doing. She immediately disentangled herself from him and shoved him back so abruptly that he reeled backwards, arms flailing as he fought for some sort of leverage. “Uhm, no...o-of course not,” she stammered, quickly composing herself. “What was I thinking? I mean, you’re always all right, Ranma.”
Ranma gawked at her, rubbing the back of his neck. He was on the verge of opening his mouth to deliver a retort when Ukyou Kuonji jumped up and enveloped him in a tight hug.
“Of course he’s always all right,” she declared confidently. “We all know you can’t be beat. Isn’;t that right right, Ranchan?”
The room watched their performance with interest.
A sweat dollop materialized at the back of Ranma’s head. “Uh, well...I guess so.” The dollop grew bigger as he saw Akane sending him a murderous glance over Ukyou’s white ribbon.
Mousse was grinning as if in an oblivious daze. Shampoo was pinning Ukyou with her patented Amazon Death Stare. And Ryouga...well, Ryouga was watching them with a pensive, wistful look that, as usual, everyone missed.
He had known full well that his spell of happiness wouldn’t last. Walking into the Tendo dojo had certainly confirmed that.
Akane didn’t even notice me, he thought sadly. It’s as if I’m not even alive—not to her anyway. All she could see was Ranma...
His mind was beginning to wander into its usual territory—the utter defeat and humiliation of Ranma Saotome—when he suddenly became aware of a pair of decidedly female arms snaking around his waist.
He glanced down, almost absently, and was stunned to see Akane Tendo staring up at him with glittering dark eyes.
Naturally, his brain shorted out.
“I’m glad to see that you’re okay, too, Ryouga,” she confessed.
And then she did something that would forever be singed into Ryouga’s memory.
Akane stood on her tiptoes, tenderly kissed him on the cheek, and whispered something in his ear.
In any other occasion, this little gesture would have given Ryouga Hibiki a dead faint, a coma, or a nosebleed that would have made Old Faithful proud.
This time, however, his reaction was nothing of the above. Instead, it was radically different.
The dazed expression on his face disappeared, and was replaced by something entirely different—something unreadable.
Akane continued to smile up at him while the entire room face-faulted.
Ranma just stared in disbelief, his jaw dropping to the floor.
* * * * * *
The spring night was moderately warm and comfortable, but when one was soaking wet and barely-dressed, it was as cold as hell.
There was no way to tell where they were. From what the one in the in the lead could tell, they were located on some hill overlooking an enigmatically familiar town...
There was something leaping about on the rooftops.
Something small, diminutive, and troll-like...
It was heading toward an enigmatically familiar dojo.
* * * * * *
The first thing that Ryouga was aware of was Ukyou yelling at him.
Well, she wasn’t really yelling at him.
She was crooning.
That was what snapped him out of his reverie.
Ukyou was gripping him by his shirtfront with both hands, shaking him in a way that made his head was loll back and forth. Her greeting was normal enough, he supposed. But her words certainly weren’t.
“Why, Ryouga-hon, I’m glad to see you, too,” she gushed in a sugary-sweet tone. “Why don’cha tell me what you were up to, silly?”
Ryouga blinked, hearing alarm bells go off in his head. “H-huh?”
She peeked up at him from under her long dark lashes. “Why don’t I tell you later, sweetie,” she drawled demurely, releasing her hold on his collar. Ryouga’s confusion was piqued as she tossed him a sly wink. “Just watch for my sign—if you know what I mean...”
Ryouga raised an eyebrow. He recognized that look on her eyes. Ukyou Kuonji was definitely cooking up a plan—and apparently, he had a part to play in it. He didn’t know whether to listen to what she had up her sleeve or run away screaming.
Oh, well. He would hear what she had to say later. But for now, there was something else on his mind...
Akari favored Ukyou with a look that was almost displeasure as she circled her arms around Ryouga. Meanwhile, Ranma was bickering yet again with his fiancée.
“Well, gee, Akane, I didn’t know you had the hots for Ryouga now.”
“Oh, grow up, Ranma. It was just a little hug.”
“Just a little hug, huh? You also whispered somethin’ in his ear, too. And what was that—‘ooh, Ryouga, you’re looking so manly tonight’?”
“Wouldn’t you want to know.” Akane smirked.
“Well, what was it?” Ranma was getting annoyed.
“Why don’t you tell me where you went first, huh?”
“I think that’s a good idea,” Genma interrupted, standing up from his position by the Shogi board.
Soun rose beside him, arms crossed sternly. “Indeed,” he agreed, his features solemn. “From the beginning.”
Ranma was able to abandon his argument with Akane long enough to exchange conspiratorial glances with Ryouga, Shampoo, and Mousse.
“Might as well,” Ryouga shrugged, not meeting his rival’s eyes. Akari regarded him quizzically, her arms still clasped loosely around him.
Ranma nodded and trained his gaze back on the others. “All right.”
“This had better be interesting,” murmured Nabiki, carefully putting away her account book.
“Oh, yes,” Kasumi seconded. “Did anything happen to you while you were away?”
A broad smile slowly slithered across Ranma’s mouth. “Heh. Why don’t I show you?” he suggested. With that, he seized a nearby vase filled with water and dumped it on his father’s head.
“Growf!” A cry of indignation escaped a sopping wet Genma, now in panda form.
“Ranma! What is the meaning of—”
Ranma raised a finger, effectively silencing Soun. “Watch and learn,” he drawled with the trademark impertinence that never failed to make Akane’s head steam.
The audience remained wary, however, as Ranma plucked a small canteen out of Ryouga’s hand and unscrewed the cap. He then tilted it, intending to empty out the contents onto his father’s now-furry top.
Soun, Kasumi, Nabiki, Akane, Akari, and Ukyou watched him in aghast fascination.
“Oh, hold on a minute,” said Ranma.
He reached over, produced a ratty old dressing gown seemingly out of thin air, and tossed it recklessly around the huge fidgeting animal.
“Just in case,” he informed the spectators with a shrug.
Without further ado he tipped over the container completely and emptied the contents on the agitated panda’s furry top.
And almost immediately, the main room of the Tendo Dojo was flooded with a blinding greenish-blue light.
* * * * * *
The figure threw up its arm to block against the sudden illumination. A moment later, it lowered its arm, adjusting its vision to the eerie glow that poured out of the dojo’s windows. The brilliance seeped from every crack and crevice, pouring across the grounds, flowing over the mesmerized form of the sumo pig watching the proceedings from outside the shoji, and streaking across the back yard and over the Koi pond like molten turquoise.
It was a horrible sense of impending doom that washed over the figure as it recognized the hue of the light that streamed out of the Tendo abode.
The light intensified, infusing the entire structure, so that the whole building began to glow a vivid, eerie blue-green.
* * * * * *
The glow finally began to dim.
The denizens of the Tendo household lowered their arms one by one, blinking tentatively as they focused once more on the spot where Genma-panda had been.
Except this time there was no bulky, beady-eyed panda wearing a ratty old dressing gown as it sat on the tatumi mat.
This time there was only a bulky, beady-eyed, waterlogged human man wearing a ratty old dressing gown sitting on the tatumi mat where the panda used to be.
The onlookers were stupefied.
Genma looked even more stupefied than the rest.
“So...does that answer your question?” Ranma queried, grinning smugly as he twirled the canteen on the finger of his left hand.
They all just stared.
Ranma tapped his foot impatiently. “Well?”
They continued to stare.
Ranma was extremely dissatisfied with their seeming lack of a reaction, and was determined to make this known. “Aw, geez—”
Without warning, something sailed swiftly by his head, missing his ear by a couple centimeters, and neatly nailed the canteen in his hand.
The container promptly shattered into a million pieces.
“What the—?” Ranma sputtered, falling back into an automatic battle stance.
He glanced up, baffled, and his gaze settled on the bantam form that was outlined in the middle of the hole that had appeared magically on one of the walls of the Tendo dojo.
Shampoo started forward, ignoring the beginnings of a Soun Tendo property-damage wail.
“Great-grandmother?” she ventured tentatively.
The aged Chinese Amazon known as Cologne shifted her gaze from the shattered container and fixed it on her flabbergasted granddaughter. “Greetings, Shampoo. I’m back.”
The next moment she was barraged by questions from all sides.
“Where in the world’ve you been?” inquired Ukyou.
“Did you see the Chinese Amazon elders like you said?” Mousse demanded.
“That’ll be of no consequence once she hears what’s happened to us,” scoffed Ryouga.
“How can you be certain? We haven’t consulted her yet,” argued Mousse.
Cologne beat them all off with her staff, which she pried out of the wall with several of the canteen fragments. “Quiet, all of you, if you want to know the knowledge I have accumulated while I was gone!”
That shut them all up. Then Shampoo scooted over to her. “Great-grandmother...” She squatted down respectfully next to the old woman. “Great-grandmother, what you break water bottle for?”
“Yeah, that’s what I wanna know,” volunteered Ranma, jerking his head toward the remains of the canteen.
Cologne pinned him with a solemn glare. “I have one question first. Where did the water in that container come from?”
“I don’t see what this has to do with anything!” Ranma protested.
“Where did the water come from?”
Ranma blinked. Her tone meant business. “We—we took it from some cave...”
“Which cave?” persisted Cologne.
There was a surprising undertone of desperation in the old crone’s voice, and a sinking feeling slithered into the pigtailed boy’s heart. “Yasakami.”
Cologne’s eyes slowly squeezed shut, and when she opened them again, there was a grimness reflected there that Ranma had never seen on her before.
“Great-grandmother, what wrong?” cried Shampoo, now alarmed.
The old woman scanned the sea of apprehensive faces before heaving a deep, resigned sigh. “Sit down,” said she, taking her place on top of the table in the midst of the room. “I have a story to tell you—a legend, rather—about the Dynasty of the Dragon, and perhaps you will understand its connection to the Cave of Yasakami...”
* * * * * *
“Are you certain Ryu informed them about the Cave?”
The messenger bowed deeply, his red robes gleaming in the opalescent illumination of the underground chamber. “Hai, Master Shino. They fell right into our trap.”
The youthful leader of the Dragon clan let the smallest hint of a smirk drift into his tanned, chiseled features. “Excellent.”
“Shall I notify Lord Takuma, Master Shino?” the messenger queried.
“Certainly,” agreed the boy, rather carelessly. “After all, doesn’t he have the right to be aware that his targets are no longer certifiable if they are now ‘cured’ of their dual identities?”
The messenger peered at him. “Lord Takuma will not be pleased,” he observed, taking care not to seem as if he were contradicting his master’s words. “If I heard correctly, I am certain that he was determined to eliminate the last five on the list as he did the others.”
“He was, wasn’t he?” murmured Shino. A grunt forced its way out of his mouth as he glanced down at his bruised arm.
“Master Shino?” The envoy shifted his weight restlessly from one foot to the other. “Are you all right?”
Shino grimaced a little. “It’s nothing. Just a repercussion of the clan’s tussle with the upperworlders and their allies.”
The messenger raised an eyebrow. “Are they—are they that good?”
“They are,” Shino admitted against clenched teeth. “In fact, they put up a much better fight than I expected. That town Nerima is full of martial artists. Very good ones, I must say. I admit I was a bit overconfident.” He paused, and another smirk curled his lips. “Of course, I intend not to underestimate them again.”
“Of course not,” the emissary agreed. “Getting back to Lord Takuma...don’t you think that he might be—if I may say so—irked to learn about this newest transpiration of events?”
“Yes, Lord Takuma would be rather annoyed to know that we chose not to finish them off,” went on Shino in a monotone, examining the richly detailed hilt of his curved sword. “It would be such a blow to him if he were to find out that he no longer has the justification to apprehend them...” He slipped the blade back into its jeweled scabbard. “...but still, he knows better than to question the will of the Emperor and Empress, does he not?”
The dispatcher shook his head vehemently. “No, of course not, Master Shino. Lord Takuma would not dare go against the Emperor and Empress’s wishes, even if they are in contradiction to his own.”
“Exactly.” Shino grinned disarmingly. “In fact, maybe it would all be for the best if Takuma were to learn that he is not the one with the authority in this empire.”
The messenger genuflected, then swiveled around to depart. Then, out of curiosity, he twisted his head around and directed one final question to the pensive-looking young man behind him. “Master Shino, if I may be so bold, may I inquire as to why the Emperor and Empress do not want these last upperworlders taken like the others? Are they not the ones who threaten the reemergence of the Dynasty?”
Shino regarded him calmly. “They are,” he answered. “But see, they have taken quite a special interest in these upperworlders—and they don’t want them dead just yet.”
The emissary nodded thoughtfully. “I...see. But, master Shino...what happens after they are supposedly ‘purged’ of their dual personalities? If that is so, then they would no longer be considered a threat to the Dynasty—”
Shino waved a dismissive hand. “It is not that easy, comrade. But if they have been cured by the Cave of Yasakami, then all we have to do now is lean back, wait, and then send out the oracle.” He rubbed his palms together, chuckling. “And then they will come to us...”
* * * * * *
“There is a place down below us, deep within the bowels of the Earth—a place filled with the descendants of gods and warriors of legend. It is a place long forgotten by many, even though long before it was said to be the dwelling place of the divine beings.
“It was called Takamagahara.
“A long time ago, it was considered an Olympus of sorts—a kingdom fit for the gods to dwell in and rule over. Now they are no more, and there is no one left there in that haven—save for the Dynasty of the Dragon—the descendants of the gods themselves.
“It is an empire that is unlike any other. In an age when Japan and China’s histories were intertwined and boundaries were not clearly defined, the Dynasty was the culmination of both China and Japan’s systems of monarchy, fused into a single empire that could not be defied. It has existed for centuries; long before the Nara period and the Ashikaga period; long before the feud of the Tairas and the Minamotos; even long before ancient records like the Kojiki and the Nihon Shoki were ever written.
“Yes, the Dynasty once ruled all of the land. Its warrior clan—more widely known as the Clan of the Dragon—was unparalleled, possessing an uncanny strength and unmatched fighting skills that kept myriad armies of would-be challengers at bay.
“When the Ama no Hashidate, the bridge that connected Heaven to Earth, collapsed for unknown reasons, the gods relinquished to the Dynasty authority over the land. They ruled fairly and justly for decades, until their virtually unlimited power finally corrupted them. However, legends also state that the Dynasty was corrupt long before they took control over mankind. In fact, it is rumored that they were the ones who deliberately destroyed the great bridge in order to leave the gods stranded in Heaven. In any circumstance, their rule turned harsh, and in the end, their long-suffering subjects found a way for mere mortals to bring down these ‘gods’.
“You see, this Dynasty is composed of supernatural beings—beings with the abilities to exist in two forms—that of humans, and that of powerful serpentine dragons. This was their legacy—one of those signs that showed all that the members of the Dynasty walked a thin line between human and god. But although the gods had left humanity under the heel of its progeny, they did not forsake them completely. Instead, they left humanity with one weapon against the nigh-invincible individuals that constituted the Dynasty: the knowledge that these half-gods, half-dragons would one day be defeated by a handful of humans who existed in dual forms themselves. Only when these people were found would deliverance from the Dynasty come, or so it was foretold.
“And then one day, when the humans thought that they their race was in danger of being wiped out completely by the brutality of the Dynasty’s reign, a number of rebel individuals appeared seemingly from out of nowhere. It was strange enough that they appeared at this time and this place, but what was even more unusual was the fact that they all had the ability to switch between two separate bodies—their human ones, and their ‘resident’ ones.
“Whether it was because the prediction made about the Dynasty’s downfall was correct, or whether the humans possessed god-like abilities themselves, the rebels easily infiltrated their stronghold—the haven that was Takamagahara.
“It was a long, fierce battle. The humans fought past guards, minions, sorcerers, the Dragon warrior clan itself, and all the entities and beings that stood in their way until they reached the Emperor and Empress themselves. And in spite of all the powers and skills the half-god rulers had at their disposal, the rebel humans defeated them and banished them and their kingdom deep within the earth.
“But before Takamagahara and the Dynasty of the Dragon disappeared, they delivered a final warning: once they became stronger and remarshaled their forces, they would once again return to reclaim the land that was so rightfully bequeathed to them.
“Although the era of the Dynasty was over, the legends of the dragon people did not cease. In fact, stories tell of exceptional beings like Fu Hsi, who had the tail of a dragon; Ryujin, who was the Dragon King of the Sea and possessed the Tide Jewels; Jimmu Tenno, the first emperor of Japan, who was the son of the daughter of Ryujin, and so forth.
“Throughout the centuries, empires have come and gone. It has been so long that the tale of the Dragon Dynasty has been all but forgotten. But the Elders know that somewhere down below us, the Dynasty has patiently lain in wait, making certain that nothing—absolutely nothing—will stand in the way of their return.”
Cologne opened her huge pingpong-ball eyes.
“And so we come to you,” she informed the now-quiet room. “This is where you come in. It seems that the Dynasty has now reawakened, and apparently they are bent on eliminating any possible opposition. Or more accurately, oppositions that come in dual forms, much like the humans who proved to be their downfall so many centuries ago.”
“Like those who fell into the Jusenkyo Springs,” Mousse volunteered, comprehension breaking over his bespectacled features. “That’s why they took us in the first place.”
“But they—they only came after the five of us,” observed Ranma, his forehead furrowing as he reflected on their kidnapping the previous night. “And that Dragon Clan leader mentioned somethin’ about Taro already bein’ taken care of. But what ’bout Saffron, an’ Lukousai, an’ Rouge—?”
“They already took Rouge,” Cologne interrupted him.
Her declaration was abrupt, almost brusque, and Shampoo’s hand flew to her mouth. “They took Shampoo’s cousin, Great-grandmother...?”
The old woman’s shoulders slumped a little. “I am afraid so,” she responded wearily. “The villagers found her not far from the village, lying on her back, her eyes open and not seeing, seemingly dead, and yet still alive. They took her back to Joketsuzoku, where they take turns watching over her, hoping that she will someday awaken out of the lifeless trance she has fallen under.”
“They weren’t after her life,” Ryouga announced with certainty. “They were after the same thing they wanted from me—from us...”
“Exactly. They took her soul.” Cologne shook her head, her silvery white hair swishing from side to side like a cleaver. “That is probably the Dynasty’s way of verifying that she will not be a threat to them. Killing her would be unsatisfying, at least in their perspective. Death is not as final as you think.”
Genma leaned closer. “So...they singled us five out because we are the last ones in their way?”
“Yes,” replied Cologne. “No doubt they were the real ones to blame for the destruction of the Jusenkyo Springs. It is safe to assume that they have watched humanity progress throughout the centuries, taking notice of all those with the Jusenkyo curse and all those who exist in dual bodies, eradicating them one by one until it came down to you five—the last of the line, the only ones with the potential to take down the Dynasty of the Dragon once and for all.”
“But this doesn’t make sense!” Akane exclaimed. “Exactly how are they supposed to defeat the Dynasty anyway? If they’re as powerful as you tell us, then how can they possibly defeat something like that?”
“Akane’s right,” Ukyou chimed in. “I fought with them this morning, and believe me, they were good. They knew how to use ki, and they even used magic to launch those water balls at us.” She twisted a lock of silky brown hair around her finger. “I—I didn’t think that we had a chance of getting out of there...alive.”
“Ai-yah. That right. Dragon people very tough,” Shampoo declared vehemently.
“I have a slight idea as to how they might be overcome,” Cologne answered. “It is a long shot, and for now their defeat may seem unlikely, but mark my word, child: it can be done. You must understand that possessing two separate identities in the same body has always held connotations of special powers. In fact, legend has it that the world was created by the separation of two essences: the Yin, the heavier and coarser female elements which formed the earth, and the Yang, the lighter and purer male elements which formed the heavens above.”
Akane, Ukyou, and Shampoo frowned at the interpretation of the yin aspect, while across from them Ranma pulled down his eyelid and sent an extra-special ‘biiih’ directed at Akane, who barely restrained herself from seizing her mallet.
“In Japanese history, the Yin and Yang elements are translated into the In and Yo, but they nevertheless contain similar implications,” continued Cologne. “The dual forms that have been given to you courtesy of the Jusenkyo Springs represent this aspect magnificently. The Yin-Yang image is the resolution of contradictions and the unity of opposites into one. Only by merging the Yin and Yang can one achieve The Whole.”
Ryouga’s hand invariably found its way to the back of his neck. Shampoo glanced at Ranma, who was studying Cologne with a wary expression on his features. Mousse coughed and removed his glasses.
Cologne went on. “According to the old myths, life exists only because of the interchanges between two opposing forces—day and night, Heaven and Earth, good and evil, and so forth. The Yin-Yang philosophy embodies all these struggles, divination, and ambiguities of life.”
Akari tightened her arm around Ryouga’s. Ukyou shot the two of them a look and scowled. Akane sat transfixed, while Ranma looked increasingly more distressed as Cologne’s narration unfolded.
“There is one last important thing about maintaining the dual bodies. Once unification between the two essences is achieved, there is a force that will be released—a force whose sole goal is to eliminate those who seek to disrupt the balance of life. And in the final analysis, it is a force that will ultimately put an end to the Dynasty of the Dragon.”
The group was quiet, digesting this newest revelation.
Ranma spoke up. “I still don’t see how this has anything to do with the Cave of Yasakami,” he declared.
Cologne carefully considered his question. “I will tell you tomorrow,” she replied, turning away.
“What?” Ranma, Genma, Ryouga, Mousse, Akane, Ukyou, and Soun yelled in a dismayed chorus.
Ranma shoved a path toward the table, his visage distraught. “Hey, whaddaya mean, you’ll tell us tomorrow? You said you were gonna tell us tonight!”
“Now is not the time,” Cologne told him, her voice maddeningly calm.
“Now is not the time?” echoed Akane incredulously. “How can now not be the time? You know something about the cave they went to, don’t you?”
Ryouga backed her up. “There is something else about the Cave of Yasakami, isn’t there?”
“You have to tell us!” Genma pleaded, beginning to panic.
“You do not understand!” Cologne hopped off the tabletop. “There is nothing I can tell you about the Cave of Yasakami that will be of any use to you tonight.”
“Why not, great-grandmother?” Shampoo queried, hands clasped nervously together.
Cologne swiveled about and gently patted Shampoo’s cheek in a maternal fashion. “I will explain soon, child, do not worry,” she assured the girl. “For now, it is late, and you have all had a very trying day. I suggest that all of you get some sleep first, and in the morning I will reveal everything I know about the Cave of Yasakami.”
“But—” Ranma began.
The aged Chinese Amazon woman cut him off with a swipe of her staff. “No buts, son-in-law. There are some things you have to find out first on your own.”
Ranma, Mousse, Genma, and Ryouga traded suspicious glances.
“ ‘Things we have to find out first’, eh?” Ryouga said cautiously.
Cologne darted him an enigmatic look that told him nothing.
Ukyou shifted restlessly on the tatumi mat, glancing now and then at an apparently oblivious Ranma. “Uhm...so...what now?”
“Now we get some rest,” Cologne said carelessly.
They all blinked at that. “Rest?” Mousse blurted out. “How do you expect us to rest after leaving us with something like that?”
“Well, it is getting rather late,” Kasumi pointed out delicately.
Akane rubbed her eyes. “But we still don’t have—” She struggled valiantly to stifle a huge yawn. “—all the answers...”
“You will have them tomorrow,” affirmed Cologne. “Even you cannot deny that you do need some sleep...”
The room dissolved into a series of grudging murmurs, but Ranma and Ryouga were not to be denied.
“You’re not going to leave us here without knowing, are you?” muttered Ryouga.
“Yeah, old ghoul, I ain’t gonna get any rest if ya ain’t gonna tell me just what the heck’s going on with us,” declared Ranma.
Cologne cocked a skeptical eye at him. “You are a stubborn one, aren’t you, son-in-law?”
“Yeah, well, I just don’t like not knowin’ about things.”
“Well, now.” Cologne seemed pleased. “This is a rather interesting proposition. If you really want to know about things, then who am I to refuse? Hear me well, then. There was once a beautiful, resilient young woman who rallied against the shackles of society...”
Akane’s interest was momentarily sparked. “Really? Who was she?”
Cologne fluttered her lashless eyes, an action that caused Ranma, Ryouga, and Mousse to rear back in revulsion. “Why, she was me, of course,” she gushed.
Ryouga bonked his head on the wall, effectively creating a fair-sized hole, while the others performed a synchronized face-fault.
* * * * * *
“Whatta haul! Whatta haul!”
These pipsqueaked cries of triumph were being emitted from Nerima’s Most Wanted Lecher, who was none other than Soun Tendo and Genma Saotome’s old teacher, the infamous Master Happosai. The bag of undergarments strapped to his back was on the verge of exploding as he leaped from roof to roof, cackling lasciviously all the way.
Tonight had been particularly bountiful. He’d managed to score a couple of pure silk panties from one of Nerima’s finest lingerie stores, and he’d escaped from Furinkan High girls’ locker room with no less than fifty pairs of gym shorts.
Oh happy day—or was it night?
Oh, well.
Without warning, he spotted an unmistakably female figure out of the corner of his eye—a sweet, voluptuous young form bounding along the rooftops about a hundred yards off.
Drooling profusely at the thought of copping a feel from such a well-rounded young lady, he immediately skidded to a halt and spun around, searching greedily for the object of his lusts.
To his bewilderment, there was no one around.
Happosai conducted one last scrutiny of the locale one more time, just to make sure, before hesitantly turning away. Hmmm, must’ve been my imagination, he speculated, feeling a smidgen of disappointment. Ahh, but what a waste of such a healthy-looking imaginary cutie!
It was funny, though; for some reason the pint-sized lech could not place his finger on, he was certain that he’d seen that form was familiar...
* * * * * *
“...in fact, my beauty was so renowned all throughout China that many a suitor traveled from distant lands to seek my hand. But alas, none of them could defeat me in glorious combat. Ah, every girl in the village of Joketsuzoku envied me! Not only because of my glorious beauty, but also because of my remarkable fighting skills...”
Cologne continued to drone out an autobiographical account of her life, while Genma, Soun, Nabiki, and Kasumi conferred with each other just out of her earshot.
“She has quite a way with youngsters—wouldn’t you agree, Saotome?” Soun murmured, visibly awed.
“Indeed,” agreed Genma, equally impressed. “See how she drives them to sleep even in the face of impending chaos.”
“Oh, my,” said Kasumi. “Do you think that the water Ranma poured on you had something wrong with it like Cologne says, Mr. Saotome?”
“I seriously hope not, Kasumi,” Genma replied, his eyes narrowing. “I seriously hope not.”
Nabiki heaved a patient sigh. “Even so, Mr. Saotome, I wouldn’t worry too much if I were you. I mean, what could possibly be worse than turning into a panda every time you get drenched with cold water?”
Genma breathed easier. “I suppose you have a point there, Nabiki.”
“Still,” the second-eldest Tendo girl reminded him with a little smirk, “keep in mind that anything can and will happen in Nerima.”
“...and so, after vanquishing the Princess of the Korean Amazons, I found myself face to face with their queen. Fortunately, my superior abilities proved to be overwhelming, and she soon fell at my feet, soundly defeated. Upon seeing this, the prince of the Korean Amazons knelt before me and pledged to me his undying love—”
*ZZZzzzsnort*
Cologne was shaken out of her reverie by a round of loud snoring. With a start, she realized that her—literally—captive audience had fallen asleep.
“Well!” she huffed. “Of all the nerve—!”
“Maybe it’s better if they keep on sleeping,” Nabiki observed, crossing her arms. “There’s no telling what’s going to happen once they’re all awake.”
“But—but what about them?” Soun cried, jabbing his finger toward the seven slumbering forms clustered around the dining table.
“How wonderful!” Kasumi piped up, smiling cheerfully. “We have overnight guests again!”
“The gods must hate me,” Soun moaned.
“Still, this little scene does present some interesting possibilities—wouldn’t you agree, Tendo?”
Soun glanced at him, baffled. “Why, whatever do you mean, Saotome?”
“I’m saying that we could—mmm, say—help Ranma and Akane into a room of their own...” He was grinning like a madman, his teeth still chipped where one of the Dragon clan had socked him. “So what do you say, Tendo? Shall we help them ‘warm’ up to each other?”
Soun began to cackle, his mind starting to spin with the various favorable outcomes. “Heheheh...indeed, Tendo. Indeed.”
Cologne whapped them both.
*BONK* * BONK*
“And you two,” she grated. “The very idea, setting up son-in-law and Akane in a situation like that! What kind of sick mind would be capable of forcing two people together with such brutal and artificial means?”
“The kind of sick mind that would use love pills to bag a guy more than two hundred years her junior,” Nabiki confided to Kasumi as they departed for their bedrooms.
Soun and Genma deposited Akane and Ranma in their respective rooms, with Cologne watching them like a hawk all the way. They decided to leave Ryouga, Akari, Ukyou, and Mousse in the main room, reasoning that there was no point in rousing them out of their sleep.
The lights flickered out of the Tendo dojo, while outside Katsunishiki curled up on the porch, completely unaware of the several armor-clad figures lingering about the shrubbery and roof, continuing their relentless surveillance over the house.
* * * * * *
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